Agony

Agony represents unbearable suffering. After it, comes death and then... nothing.

I have totally lost myself and I cannot find me. You can't go back. Nothing can be deleted. You can not erase the pain.

It seems everything has changed. Nothing will be the same.

I've spent most of my life struggling to mean something. Trying to exist.

I don't think I would be able to describe the kind of existence I wanted. Perhaps the simplest of all, one in which people can only see you.

I do not want to continue. I can't anymore.

If I could get off the train of life, I would. I would stay in this station, sitting on a bench until the end.

Apologies do not matter anymore. They do not solve anything. I don't want them

I want to get out of my head the despair in which I have sunk. I get up and cry, I lie down and cry. The rest of the day I smile as if nothing ever happened. But I am dying in every way and I feel only emptyness.

I try to go on. I try to listen to what they tell me but I can't. My head can't assimilate anything else, it is full of things that I can't get out.